Back to School: The Things Nobody Told Me About

Back-to-school lists are usually pretty predictable.

Backpack.
Notebooks.
Pencils.
New shoes.
Water bottle.

Maybe a new lunchbox if last year's didn't survive.

But there are other things that don't show up on the school supply list.

Deodorant.

Clean clothes.

Hair that needs washing more often than it used to.

A body that's changing — sometimes before a young person understands what's happening or why.

The realization that other people may notice things they don't notice themselves.

And for many neurodivergent teens and young adults, those things can be much harder to navigate than remembering which folder goes with which class.

The Part We Don't Talk About Enough

Hygiene and body care can become complicated for all kinds of reasons.

A shower may feel physically uncomfortable.

The spray of the water may hurt. The temperature may be difficult to regulate. Wet hair may feel unbearable. The smell or texture of a particular soap, shampoo, lotion, or deodorant may be overwhelming.

Executive functioning can make a routine with several steps surprisingly difficult to begin or complete.

Interoception can affect someone's awareness of their own body and its signals.

And sometimes a young person simply doesn't realize that the routines that worked when they were younger aren't enough anymore.

None of that changes the reality that body odor, greasy hair, dirty clothing, or other hygiene differences can affect how someone is treated by their peers.

That's where this gets hard.

Because we want to protect our kids from embarrassment without making them feel embarrassed by us.

“Don't You Smell That?”

Maybe they don't.

Maybe they notice it but don't know what to do about it.

Maybe they know exactly what to do but can't consistently make themselves do it.

Maybe showering is so unpleasant from a sensory standpoint that avoiding it feels more urgent than worrying about something that might happen at school tomorrow.

Those are very different problems.

And repeating “You need to shower” louder or more often doesn't necessarily solve any of them.

Before we can help, we may need to figure out what is actually getting in the way.

Is it sensory?

Is it executive functioning?

Is the routine too complicated?

Is there a product they hate?

Do they need reminders?

Do they understand why the routine has changed?

Would a bath, handheld showerhead, washcloth, different towel, unscented product, shower chair, shorter routine, or completely different approach work better?

Sometimes the solution isn't more insistence.

It's removing the obstacle.

Back to School Means More Than Being School Ready

This is one of those areas where independence doesn't necessarily arrive on the same timetable as everything else.

A teenager may be perfectly capable of completing advanced schoolwork and still need reminders to put on deodorant.

A young adult may be able to navigate technology better than everyone else in the house and still struggle to recognize when clothing needs to be washed.

Someone may know every step of a hygiene routine and still need support initiating it.

Those things can exist together.

Support doesn't have to mean taking over. It can mean creating a routine, using a checklist, keeping supplies where they're easy to see, experimenting with sensory-friendly products, setting discreet reminders, or simply having a matter-of-fact conversation about what bodies need as they change.

The goal isn't perfection.

It's helping someone understand and care for their own body in a way that works for them.

Maybe Nobody Told Them

As parents, we sometimes assume we've explained things because we've mentioned them.

But “Go take a shower” isn't the same as teaching someone how often their changing body may need one.

“Put on deodorant” isn't the same as explaining what deodorant does, where it goes, when to reapply it, or how to choose one that doesn't feel awful.

“Those clothes are dirty” isn't necessarily enough information for someone who doesn't intuitively know when clothing should be washed.

Some things other people seem to pick up automatically may need to be taught explicitly.

Not because someone has failed.

Because nobody told them.

And maybe that's one more thing worth adding to our back-to-school preparation this year.

Not another supply.

Not another expectation.

Just a little more information, a little more understanding, and support that meets them where they actually are.

Because getting ready for school isn't only about being school ready.

Sometimes it's about becoming a little more life ready, too.